Since my divorce all I’ve done is show my teens how much I love them. How could you let them know that they are loved any more than I am doing now? Outside of work my only concern is for my children.
Of course since your divorce you must show your teens how much you love them. You let them know you care by showing your love to them. However, what do you mean by love?
*are you totally available for them? *are you their servant or their boss? *do you talk with them or at them? *who are their friends? *do they go to their friends or do their friends come to your house?
So you might ask, “What do any of these have to do with showing love?”
To show love, good leaders (that’s what you are now, the leader in your home) are servants. No, leaders don’t bow and scrape, but they are available to make sure everything goes well.
As the servant-leader of your family, you make sure things Go well!
“What do you mean by going well?”
One way is to know their friends. When your son or daughter spends the night or goes to a party at a friends’ house, do you know for sure that there will be adult supervision? You need to call the parents and be sure.
You may not consider it as such, but this is being a servant- leader to your teens!
Also, are you totally available for your teens? When they talk, do you listen? Do you encourage them to talk to you? Don’t just ask, “How was school today?” Ask instead, “What was the most exciting thing you did at school today?”
I know, you worked hard all day! You still have to get dinner for them. You probably don’t feel like talking. But you must! A servant-leader always listens. She/he is always available to communicate with his/her teens.
Further, communication requires that you talk with your teen not at them. Yes, it is faster and easier to talk at them, but effective communication treats the listener as an adult. So as often as you can, speak with your teens as though they are adults.
Another way to show love through servant-leadership is to let your home be their home, too. Let them have friends over. It is better for their friends to be at your home than for your teens to be at someone else’s home.
Again, how do you cope with a house full of teens after a hard week’s work? Listen, that’s real love! You must sacrifice to be sure your teens know you love them.
Then as much as you can, keep their lives as close to the same as it had been before the divorce:
1. Go to their school events 2. Take them for a burger occasionally 3. Let them have friends over 4. I would not let them visit other homes for a while after the separation 5. Talk with them and if they are young, read books to them
You’re right, giving your help to your teens after divorce to let them know they are loved requires the greatest kind of love, the unconditional kind. No way is it going to be easy, but your goal is to help them mature and become self-sufficient. When you see them on their own and successful, you’ll know they learned it from you.
About the Author
For those of you who have experienced divorce, you could experience the beginning of your new life. To learn how to help your teenagers succeed go to: http://lifeafterdivorce.weebly.com and order the eBook today, or learn how you can get the eBook by the same name, free by using the “Trial Pay Get It Free” button at the bottom of the page.
